"The Coldest Hands I Ever Held" (They Fed Me Hate, I Grew in Faith)

Introduction : A raw and emotional journey through pain, hate, and resilience. This poem tells the story of a young man facing rejection and cruelty from his own family, yet finding strength, hope, and faith. A testament to survival, inner courage, and the power of rising from the ashes. Real, heartfelt, and deeply human.

"The Coldest Hands I Ever Held"

(They Fed Me Hate, I Grew in Faith)

Since the day my feet first touched this land,

I’ve felt the coldness in every hand;

Hate came to greet me, day after day,

While love stood silent… too far away.

Even my own blood could not be kind—

Their eyes held storms that pierced my mind;

I wonder, at times, if they’re truly mine,

Or strangers wearing a family’s sign.

Each glance they give feels sharp as a knife—

A slow, cruel end, not the gift of life;

Why not finish me with a single blow,

Instead of this endless, painful show?

When I was small, my only prayer

Was love from the ones who should’ve been there;

But my tender dreams were torn apart—

They gave me hate… and they crushed my heart.

As a teen, I thought it might somehow change,

But the world stayed cold—so dark, so strange;

Now grown, I’m served that same old meal…

The bitter bread they make me feel.

I question if humanity’s true,

For mercy’s faces are far too few;

They break me down when I try to rise,

Yet hope still burns behind my eyes.

They can cut me deep, they can watch me bleed,

But they cannot steal my will… my creed;

A lion learns, through pain and flame,

To stand again—and reclaim his name.

If none will care, then I shall not plead—

I’ll plant my own unyielding seed;

With God’s great hand to lift my soul,

I’ll walk unbroken toward my goal.

One day I’ll rise from the ash and sand,

And build my dreams with my own hand;

Then they will see… and they will weep,

For the promises they could not keep.

I’ll forget the wounds that made me bend,

And start anew, with a heart to mend;

With those who feel, who truly care,

Where love lives freely—in open air.

The world around me feels made of stone…

Cold hearts that beat, but are not my own;

Yet my Lord hears each tear I’ve cried,

And keeps His mercy close at my side.

So may He heal all who bear this weight,

Who’ve tasted the same relentless fate;

Make us stronger, make us kind…

And grant us peace—in heart and mind.

Ameen.

               —Shahzad Sulaiman

Summary :

         Today I am extremely exhausted, lost in deep thoughts, and consumed by confusion. Ever since the day I was born on this planet, all I have received is hate—hate, and more hate. Even from the people of my own family. I don’t know what I have done to deserve such treatment. Sometimes I wonder if these people are even my real family, or if they simply raised me but I never truly belonged here. Every time they look at me, I can see the hate burning in their eyes. It feels like dying every single second—again and again—slowly and painfully. If this is what they want, then why not just end it once and for all, instead of reminding me every day how cruel this world can be?

Back when I was little and innocent, all I ever wanted was love from my family. But what did I get instead? Hate. As a teenager, nothing changed—it was the same coldness, the same rejection. And now, as an adult, I still get the same dose of hate every single day. At this point, I don’t even know if humanity truly exists anymore. They break me every single time I try to stand up, but hope still lives in me. They can break me all they want; I may be wounded, but I am not gone. I am still alive, and like a lion, I know how to overcome fear and trauma.

If no one cares about me, then I will not care about them either. I will rise from the ashes with the help of the Almighty and become the man I have always dreamed of being—a happy man. Then they will know who is laughing in the end. You can hurt me, you can break me, but you can never take away my freedom or my hope. People will talk no matter what, but I aim to be better than all those who have hurt me and mocked me. With the help of my Lord, I will be successful one day, and then they will be the ones left crying behind.

When that day comes, I will forget all the pain of my past life and begin a new and better one—with people who truly have feelings and who genuinely care. Because right now, everyone around me feels like lifeless robots with no emotions. May God help me, and help everyone who is in my situation, to overcome this unbearable trauma and to become better human beings. Ameen.

Disclaimer:

This poem reflects my personal reactions to the cruelty many people experience in their lives. It is written for awareness and self-expression only, not to harm, insult, or target anyone. Its purpose is to share emotions, inspire resilience, and highlight the human struggle against neglect and hate.

NOTE: These poems are personal expressions, drawn from real emotions, life experiences, and heartfelt dreams. You are welcome to read and reflect, but copying, downloading, or using them as your own is not allowed. If you wish to share a poem or use a part of it in your artwork, post, or project, please give proper credit to the original author: Shahzad Sulaiman (Sultan of Hearts) Thank you for respecting the creative effort and honesty behind each word.